


there was comfort in her sighs

by a_secondhand_sorrow



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Ask Game, BandTrees, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Requested, Zoe is beautiful and Evan knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 04:24:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18792934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_secondhand_sorrow/pseuds/a_secondhand_sorrow
Summary: There was something intoxicating about Zoe at all times. He’d glance at her as she squeezed his hand in the hall and feel all air leave his lungs. She’d whisper song lyrics in his ear and all thoughts in his head would still. She’d press a soft kiss to his lips and he’d freeze and smile, feeling that warmth spread through his chest.He never thought he’d come back up for air, but each time he did, only to plunge back down.***or: how dull everything is in comparison to the first flush of love***(or: various prompts for bandtrees)





	there was comfort in her sighs

**Author's Note:**

> title from burned out by dodie clark
> 
> this was requested on tumblr by cuddlefishconcertos! it’s several prompts from an old prompt list. this is mostly fluff

**5\. Things you didn’t say at all**

Evan didn’t think he’d ever tire of hearing Zoe talk.

There was something beautiful about the way she spoke—in the days when her energy was high, each word came off of her tongue shaped perfectly, carefully curated and selected for her to share. There was a lyrical quality to the words she chose and the way she said them, in how she smiled around each one. If it was possible, he loved her taking even more when she was tired. When she was distracted, she let the words come out organically, slipping over syllables as her lisp took over. There was something chaotic, almost, about the way she spoke then; her words were more random, harder to understand, but Evan loved it. It was so Zoe, and so beautiful.

There were some periods of time when Zoe would go quiet. She wasn’t silent, but she’d refrain from contributing to conversations and opt to lay her head on Evan’s shoulder more than she normally did, perhaps to get rid of the burden of speaking. Evan never questioned it, although he had his suspicions as to why she was quiet. When she came back to life, it was like the whole room lit up, filled with her energy and analysis and bright chatter.

Her words seemed to come in bursts when she was angry, full of instant venom which paralyzed her tormentor. She could go for the jugular, but immediately afterwards she’d quiet. Those were the times where she’d love to hear Evan’s nervous chatter, something he hated, especially in comparison to Zoe.

One night, she’d been quiet while they talking about the Connor Project. Alana was trying to get Zoe into it, but Evan tried best he could to keep them distracted. She lay her head on his shoulder, finding his hand to squeeze. Jared cracked some kind of unfunny joke. He squeezed her hand back.

  
No words Zoe chose that night crossed the boundaries into lyrical, and Evan’s nervous chatter sustained them for most of the time.

**6\. Things you said under the stars and in the grass**

There was something intoxicating about Zoe at all times. He’d glance at her as she squeezed his hand in the hall and feel all air leave his lungs. She’d whisper song lyrics in his ear and all thoughts in his head would still. She’d press a soft kiss to his lips and he’d freeze and smile, feeling that warmth spread through his chest.

He never thought he’d come back up for air, but each time he did, only to plunge back down.

There was something indescribable in how Zoe looked in the moonlight. The soft light caught the curve of her cheekbones, the tips of her hair, the edge of her fingers in a hazy silver light. As she stared up at the sky, admiring as always, he’d see the stars above them reflected in her face, dancing in her eyes, splashed across her face with her freckles. He’d trace each one, whispering constellations he barely knew the shapes of just to hear her laugh.

One night, he’d pulled her to the side of the road where the pavement turned to grass. The night was clear, each light shining down on them. He was utterly lost in her, every little touch between them, every subtle and perfect smile she sent him, every time she’d point out another star she knew, the word rolling off her tongue like anything. The grass around them was soft, comforting, familiar. Nature he knew.

_Zoe_ he knew, he realized with a little jolt.

He rolled onto his side so he was facing her where she propped herself up on her arms. Her eyes were half closed, a content smile warming her face. Evan leaned in closer to her, thumb reaching up to brush over her cheek. He whispered something, something he barely even registered as he was so caught in how she was. Hand still resting in the side of her face, he leaned to kiss her cheek.

_I love you_ , he said, and there was no hesitation or anxiousness. It was a fact, plain as night.

  
She smiled again, breaking her gaze away from the stars to look at him. Slowly, she lifted her hand to clasp his wrist, maneuvering his palm to press a kiss to it. He still saw the stars reflecting in her eyes and splashed across her cheeks in that intoxicating moments breath.

_I love you, too_ , she said, and they both believed it. It’s fact. It’s plain as the stars above them and grass beneath them.

**13\. Things you said at the kitchen table**

Zoe wondered if there would ever be another place for her like the kitchen table.

Oh, she’d hated that table. As a child it was nothing more than a nuisance, but as she grew it became the only semblance of a family life she could remember. That is, until the fights encroached upon it, and she found even her family sanctuary was under besiege. She’d hated it for ever memory it held, every memory of a late-night confrontation, of a mid meal screaming match, of every time her brother decided he hated her too much to even try being sober before school started.

(Because he’d blamed her at the time, hadn’t he? For driving him to drugs. No matter how much Evan said, she’d always remember the fiery look that blazed in his eyes during that rare moment of real interaction.)

She’d hated the kitchen table.

But slowly, as it became Evan sitting across from her instead of Connor, something changed. He was over almost every night for dinner, and even started staying over a few nights. She looked forward to those evening meals more than she could remember looking forward to anything.

She started to love the kitchen table again.

One night, after dinner, she and Evan had jumped to help her parents clear the dishes, but they’d been refused. So they’d sat back down at the table, Evan fiddling with the edge of his napkin, Zoe looking right at him. She hadn’t even realized she’d been doing it. It felt so natural.

Slowly, Evan realized Zoe was looking at him. He looked back at her and smiled again, every part of his face lighting up. His smiles were infectious.

  
_You’re beautiful, do you know that?_ he said, letting the words slide out without any precourser. 

  
She tilted her head slightly, letting a hand rest on the table. _You’re beautiful, too._

Evan laughed, the sound filling up the room with warmth.

**19\. Thing you said when we were the happiest we were**

She was…frazzled. School was still hard, where sympathetic glances were all too present and there was always at least one person who was a little too overbearing. She just wanted peace.

 

She skipped jazz band, decided that she needed something to calm down. Once she was in her car, she called him.

_Hello?_ he said, voice still a little jittery over the phone, and instantly every part of her relaxed.

  
_Hey,_ she said, trying to make her voice sound as even as possible. _Could you meet me at my car? I just…need to get away right now._

He was at the car in five minutes.

***

He suggested they go to his house.

Zoe has been prodding gently about it before, but stopped fairly quickly as soon as she knew it made him uncomfortable. But Evan, being the sweetheart he was, insisted as soon as Zoe said she couldn’t handle her house.

Evan was more anxious then normal. He was borderline panicked, an expression on his face that Zoe knew meant he wanted everything to go alright.

He was chattering again. Zoe loved the way he talked, especially compared to when they started dating. Then he’d be almost silent at all times, jittery and stuttering if he ever had something he wanted to add. She was thrilled he’d reached the point where he’d talk freely in front of her.

Except he was talking about the Connor Project. Which she couldn’t handle, not after her day.

She cut him off gently, trying to ease his worries.

_Look_ , she said. _I just need something…for me._

  
A smile started to take over his face, and she knew that he believed her. For once, she knew he believed every word she said, took everything to heart. She couldn’t describe how desperately she needed him to know that he was enough, _more_ than enough.

He took her hands, whispered the same things to her, _how could you know, how could you possibly know, I love you, I love you,_ and it was real. It was real.

When she kissed him, it’s like the world fell apart and restructured, where when she came up for air everything would be different and better. She couldn’t care at the moment, though.

**22\. Things you said after it was over**

When her phone started ringing, she was surprised. Her friends were studying for finals, her parents were in the next room over, and there was no one else who would be calling her.

Her heart stopped as soon as she read the name.

Zoe’s not quite sure why she never deleted his contact. It’s not like there was any hope for reconciliation, not after what he did. Even after a year, it was nearly impossible for her to think about it without an entire hurricane of emotions she couldn’t quite name spiraling up in her.

Maybe she never deleted Evan’s contact because she couldn’t get rid of those months, those few months, where for the first time in so long she’d felt happy. For the first time she could really remember she’d felt love and loved.

Everything in her screamed to let it go to voicemail. She needed to get back to her textbook. She needed to stop thinking about him.

She picked up anyway, almost forgetting the mandatory _hello?_

_Hi_ , he said, and Zoe was taken aback by how _good_ it felt to hear his voice on the other line. She remembered every phone call in great detail, the way she instantly stilled whenever he picked up. She still felt stiller, but there was also something in it that made her feel uneven.

He sounded a little steadier than she remembered, also. More confident. She couldn’t quite tell how that made her feel, when she was so thrown off.

But she listened to this new, slightly altered version of him. One that was different and new, but not for the worse.

_How about you meet me at the orchard?_ she said. _So we can talk?_

***

She was already there when he arrived.

Everything about her still took his breath away. She was smiling, somehow, that same subtle smile he’d fallen in love with. Her hair was swept over one shoulder, eyes searching around and taking everything in. Her freckles were still splashed across her cheeks in their constellations.

She was still intoxicating, but he had to remind himself that he’d hurt her more than anyone should be hurt. He was lucky she’d talk to him at all.

He stood for a moment, letting the rustle of trees calm him.

Zoe heard the small sounds his approach had made and turned to him. She smiled a little, eyes softening.

He didn’t deserve any of it.

There was small talk. To be expected, when you haven’t seen someone for a year. It was almost painful, how much he wanted to turn back time and take away that sad, broken look deep in her eyes. But that wasn’t his job. He knew it wasn’t, not anymore.

_You never told anyone,_ he said. _Thank you._

He tried to say a million things in the space of a moment, there, things he’ll never say out loud. Things they used to say but things they’d grown away from. Things he wanted to say but couldn’t find the words to. Things he knew she knew but that he wanted to say anyway.

_I’m sorry._

The sun blazed just over the horizon, catching the light of Zoe’s hair. She smiled at him once more, something dull and somber in it, as she stood with her backpack slung over one shoulder.

_I know. I’m sorry, too._ She stood still for a moment, as though collecting her thoughts. _I’m glad you called._


End file.
